Influence – Getting Solutions Not Giving Solutions

Move from giving solutions to receiving solutions.

As an Accidental Counsellor have you ever wondered why people don’t follow good advice?
It’s remarkable don’t you think?
The more you give someone a solution or suggestion the more they don’t do it.
It’s not you. It’s the strategy you’re using.
There’s lots of research about this. When it comes to “solutions” I prefer talking about the next best step.


You want to help the client identify the next best steps. When you  give them the answer rather than ask for a possible next best step, you create an unhealthy dependency on the person providing the answer or solution rather than empowering the person to identify the next best possible action for themselves. Not only that, the client will tend to pushback and resist your advice and suggestions. You also get into this “yes but game” and then they are full of excuses.


In order to effectively help, we need to identify the next best step. Effective help is by empowering the client to discover the next best step making them more engaged in creating the change. Then they will be engaged and open to exploring new ideas and new approaches. Instead of the yes but and then the excuse, we get yes and maybe this or that or you get an idea or a possibility from them. When you start doing this you become more clear and more confident as an Accidental Counsellor. You start to connect with and influence the people in your care.

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